Hi! I’m currently in a straight relationship and have always considered myself extra straight (guys are just not attractive).
However, a very long time ago, I was possibly sexually assaulted by a man (drugged, hung out in his room). I say possibly because I wanted him in that moment, and we tried to fuck each other but had issues getting it up (too many drugs I guess).
I’ve been fantasizing about it on and off ever since. The only person I’ve ever told was my therapist recently. He suggested I be open and avoid shaming myself (so maybe that’s part of this post). Something about being inside someone’s ass while they cum all over themselves, or someone inside me while I cum, is just very arousing.
I know I need to come out to my partner. First, though, I’d like to have a plan to deal with this fantasy. Are there healthy ways to explore this possible facet of my sexuality without, ya know, cheating?
Short answer? No.
Doing sexual things with another person w/o the knowledge and consent of your partner is cheating. Kinda a full stop there.
There are relationship dynamics out there though, like Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM), where as long as you and your partner have clear communication and boundaries, you could explore those interests.
I’ve lived a 100% monogamous life up until about a year ago. My wife and I had a lot of conversations and big emotional talks. I came out as potentially being Bi (spoiler alert, I am). She had some things to come out about as well. We both came to the realization that our relationship structure wasn’t working to meet both of our wants and needs.
We are now living more of a “Kitchen Table Poly” lifestyle. It just took trusting my partner and exposing my deepest hidden secrets to the person I love most.
There’s a lot of great literature out there about non-conforming relationships. One I’d recommend checking out is called The Relationship Escalator.
All this stuff takes a mountain of trust, communication, vulnerability and most of all, a desire for your partner to be happy.
Sorry if my response is all over the place. I’m pretty scattered today, but I’m happy to answer questions.
I appreciate the time you took!!
Yes agree on the cheating, not looking for that. I’ll have to check the book rec out, thank you!
What is a kitchen table poly lifestyle?
Kitchen Table Poly (KTP) it’s a type of Ethically Non-Monogamous (ENM) relationship where not only are all parties aware of the existence of each others partners, but everyone gets along well enough to sit together at the kitchen table like old friends and share a meal.
Some ENM relationships aren’t like that. Maybe one partner is good with the other having relations with others, but don’t want to know the people.
Another commenter mentioned about converting a monogamous relationship into a non-monogamous being difficult. It sure is and not a lot of relationships survive. But they are magic when they do.
Bear in mind that taking a relationship that started monogamous and trying to make it non monogamous is probably going to be a mess.
If that happens, particularly in a long time relationship, it’s for reasons.
So, what are the other options? Silencing your desires/needs (ending up bitter and frustrated)? Cheating on your partner? Breaking up?
Each couple has its own mechanics, and there’s not a perfect solution that would work for everybody. But I think communication is not the worst path. I’ve seen much more couples torn apart by sexual frustration, cheating, lack of communication…
I should have been more specific. Communication should be the first step. Say how you feel and go from there together. Opening with “I wanna open the relationship” is a recipe for disaster. But even then, it’s no guarantee it’ll be smooth.