• 0 Posts
  • 173 Comments
Joined 2 years ago
cake
Cake day: July 21st, 2023

help-circle


  • I’m pretty techie and I’ve been here for months. I still don’t fully understand why it matters and how a different instance would have changed my experience. The fediverse is so fragmented, it would be dumb to stick to one instance. My app is always set to browse “all”. Everyone commenting seems to be from different instances. I’m certainly not going to start reading about different instances at signup when it presents the fact that you will be able to access all instances anyway. I picked randomly from one of the most popular choices. This whole process of a selection of an instance sounded good to software engineers, and sure this is how the technology fits together…but these are “back end” issues that I (and other normies) don’t care about at all. Users do not want to get into the weeds of how the back end works and it is certainly off putting.













  • Glad it’s worked well for the original OP.

    I still remember reading in the book “Thinking Fast and Slow” and the research they presented on happiness. Apparently their data averaged out to: 1. baseline happiness when single, 2. big spike up in the first year of marriage, 3. Settles at a permanent level below the baseline (from when single).




  • It’s such a huge and personal decision. You shouldn’t really make a decision based on how other people describe their experience. I saw this on reddit ages ago and this is is probably the single best summary of the experience I’ve seen.

    I can describe my experience, but you need to understand people’s biases. My bias is that I always liked kids. I enjoyed playing with nephews and nieces. I now work with children and have 2 of my own kids. The decision for children doesn’t come about in a vacuum. I had a wife who wanted kids too. I had a stable job and felt ready. Even then I had no idea what I was in for. Kids put major demands on your time, money, energy, patience and marriage. I have one child which some might call “a difficult child” and one who is very demanding (as expected for a “normal” child). This is definitely life on hard-mode. Children really force you to face your own issues and get over yourself. It has been great for me. I wouldn’t change a thing about my “difficult” children. Giving them a good life and catering to their needs is an undescribable satisfaction and fulfilment in itself. I’m learning more than I’m teaching them. I wish work didn’t take so much of my time and energy so I had more for them. I asked my wife if she wanted to work full-time, because I would happily stay at home or work part-time and spend more time with the kids. I can’t get enough of my kids and the time you get at each stage of their life flies by in an instant.

    That’s starkly in contrast that with large proportions of Lemmy (and Reddit) which have quite vocal child-free populations with a very individualist ideology. Everyone’s circumstances and biases are different.

    Edit: People also tend to be more open about defending their current position rather than expressing regret (i.e. had children and hated it, or didn’t have children and regretted it); both of these populations exist and tend to be quieter because of social stigma.