Hi! I’m currently in a straight relationship and have always considered myself extra straight (guys are just not attractive).
However, a very long time ago, I was possibly sexually assaulted by a man (drugged, hung out in his room). I say possibly because I wanted him in that moment, and we tried to fuck each other but had issues getting it up (too many drugs I guess).
I’ve been fantasizing about it on and off ever since. The only person I’ve ever told was my therapist recently. He suggested I be open and avoid shaming myself (so maybe that’s part of this post). Something about being inside someone’s ass while they cum all over themselves, or someone inside me while I cum, is just very arousing.
I know I need to come out to my partner. First, though, I’d like to have a plan to deal with this fantasy. Are there healthy ways to explore this possible facet of my sexuality without, ya know, cheating?
Hey so the cheating thing, I can’t speak to. I’m sorry about your bad sexual assault experience — I have similar, but less extreme, trauma in my own history, too.
I’m bisexual, and only recently have I started trying a bunch more stuff with guys to see what I like and don’t like. You can look at my post history to find the “what naughty fun” threads here in Ask Lemmy NSFW and my replies.
Personally yes, I’ve done exactly your fantasy a few times now, on both sides, and it’s really hot. My advice if you do get permission from your partner to experiment, is to sign up on an app like Scruff, and start only looking for other bisexual guys looking to experiment. You can also start by listing yourself as “side” and gradually work into trying new things without having hookups that expect penetration.
Learning more about yourself can be exciting and kind of scary. If you ever want to chat with another bi bro, reach out! I’m super open and happy to share, suggest, or empathize.