Do you know which Jack is your favourite? You should have a contest determine your favourite Jack. A Jack-Off, if you will.

And My Axe.

I don’t know why but I thought they were some special inaccessible computers.

It’s their marketing. Marketing, marketing, bullshit and marketing. Macs get viruses, Macs have vulnerabilities, Macs crash. Doesn’t matter how much their indoctrinated fans might claim otherwise, Macs are just weird PCs. In that context, their refusal to allow their owners to control them is all the more jarring and makes owning the older models like you mentioned all the more sensible.

This is really niche, but most organisations have a Microsoft Active Directory, or equivalent, that tracks users, their credentials, and their permissions. The sign of a bad AD admin: permissions directly applied to user objects without any intermediary objects or abstraction in AD.

Obviously not meant to be taken literally. It refers to all manufacturers of dairy products.

“Federation” is like “non-fungible token”. Everyone knows what it is, but they’ve never heard it called that.

Fully dressed for WFH. Nude for in-office. Nude with shoes on for client meeting (in-office or WFH).

Yeah, I suspect that’s probably true. The prescribed maintenance routine on my VW suddenly got very, very lax after 250,000 miles.

alcohol-free

Spoilsport.

The secret to keeping water hot is minimising surface area and, of course, insulation. If you want instant hot water you can actually buy electric hot water tanks with, say, 10-15L capacities that go under the sink so the hot water only needs to travel the 50cm or so. Very cheap and much more simple than instant heaters.

Screaming?

…“Outside Pants”? I feel like this might be the real tip here. Please, explain.

You should invest. Nothing gets you dry better than a good Batman.

Get schwifty.

Oatly? Fuck Oatly. Also, Fuck Fuck Oatly. And so on.

It’s the Express, so you can safely ignore it.

Recent front page headlines from the Express (if some of these aren’t real yet, they will be at some point):

• Evil EU Bastards Forcing Millions Of Innocent Brits Out Of Retirement Homes
• Revealed: Why The Woke Leftist BBC Won’t Heap Praise On The Neo-Nazis
• Statins Found To Cure Cancer, But Why Won’t The NHS Supply Them?
• Out-Of-Touch Woke BBC Bosses Ban Cockfighting
• Frage BLASTS Starmer, EU: “Britain Should Be Free To Take Statins.”
• Join The Express’s Campain To Get LIFESAVING STATINS On The NHS.
• EXPOSED: The £1,000,000-a-Night Hotel That Illegal Immigants Are Being Housed Near
• Farage Hails Latest Brexit Victory: “It Hurt The EU Too”
• Statins Add Ninety Years To Life, But Kier Starmer, EU Wants You Dead
• Exclusive: BBC Pervert Bosses License Fee Funded Sex Pit Imagined.
• So-Called NHS So-Called Experts Say: Statins Dangerous. The Express Says: Hunt Them.
• Collapsing EU in SHAMBLES As Trade Deal Blows Up In Their Dirty Foreign Faces As Euro PLUMMETS 0.002%
• Farage: Trade Deal Deaths “Will Only Make Britain Stronger”
• Express Success: NHS Statin Trial To Begin.
• Another Brexit Victory: Brown People Die At Sea
• NHS Statin Deaths: Why Did Kier Starmer, EU Do This To Us?
• All Foreigners Are Rapists

Tom Hunt, if you’re reading this, I’ve just done your job for the next year.

Corrections:

MacOS:

• Featureless Apple™-branded oblong with 195% profit margin (support for 160% profit margin dropped in Apple™ Mac™OS™ 12.8.3.1.6.4 West Coast Yuppie Resort)
• Devices no more than two years old
• No pride, self-respect, personality, etc, except that provided by ownership of Apple™ products.

For Windows:

• CPU generation newer than an arbitrary, shifting and easily-bypassed watershed.
• 1, 2, 4, 16 or 128GB of RAM, depends who you ask.
• Windows License 😉
• Copilot+ AI requires Microsoft CoPilot+ AI compatible Microsoft CoPilot+ AI CoProcessor+ and Microsoft CoPilot+ CoProcessor+ AI Microsoft CertificAItion+
• A lack of awareness or interest in operating systems.

For Linux:

• Turing-completeness.
• Memory, networking, inputs, outputs, power (optional).
• Another computer to occasionally Google who ‘initramfs’ is and why he won’t let you boot.

The Onion: Teen Nearly Experiences Consequences.

Do you think you should be penalised if you got ChatGPT to sit the math test for you?

Relevant xkcd: