Basically, but the next step is to forgive and love that part as well. That part of you developed for a reason. If you can name what that part of you is, you might be able to look back to a time where that part of you was what was helping you. Now that you are living a different life, the game is to tell that part to step to the side and let another part of you take the wheel.
At least that’s what a gleaned from my conversation last night.
If it helps anyone in a similar situation, after a shroom trip two weeks ago, I realized my issue is a deeeeeep seated shame- my “Mr. Ethics” vibe is a facade and if you cross examined me long enough you would find out I’m rotten to the core.
I know this is false, but it’s so engrained it’s hard to shake.
In relationships, I’ll feel very anxious because I feel like “the jig is gonna be up soon, they’ll see you for who you are, you will hurt them” so I’ll usually drop and run.
4 hours later
Also I started this comment a few hours ago, but since have chatted with my friend over beers and he told me about “parts therapy”. Basically acknowledge there are many parts to you, there is no single you. There is the “superhero” you, the “deviant” you, the “artist”, the “lover”, etc. So in trying to identify this core I believe is rotten, I came up with “the sleezy politician”. I feel like I can manipulate people like hell- I can put on the charm to get what I want or to avoid risk. I can think of times when this version of me was necessary as a survival mechanism. Highschool was clique-city, and the theater department was a social minefield. My family had a heavy political side. Growing up I felt like I had a superpower to lie and get away with anything, it took me a while to realize it wasn’t a superpower but would hurt me so much more later. All that I learned through that is something I now need to undo, and that is to be comfortable with myself and not care about how others see me.
Ooof sorry I kinda word vomited but thanks for being my prep for tomorrow’s therapy sesh.
As it stands now, you could give me an amazing person to be with who would check all my boxes and would be a perfect match
And I would break up with them anyway in about 6 months.
I have a VERY avoidant attachment style that I need to shake before I can get into anything.
It’s one of those quirks of the human brain where we can make faces from almost anything. In a more romantic view, we are always looking for connection, so we always look for faces. It might even be that we use this as a survival method. Just like when you take time to shelter yourself under a bush to hide. It was late October, the leaves on the ground created a great cushion to keep yourself safe. You had been running and hiding for the last 30 hours, but now you needed sleep. It was a risk that you calculated. You could try to keep going, but delusion is what took Sam. You make the most discreet of breathing holes, and you bunk in for then night. You try to sleep, but you only can think of the shrieking Sam made as he was torn apart by those wolves. You tried your best, at least you try to convince yourself that. Why couldn’t you save your friend while you yourself held that spear? You who only fended the beasts off after they had done away with Sam? Is it true that maybe you have become the monster that you were running from?
But your thoughts are interrupted.
You hear the clopping of hooves. He was able to track you this far. You thought you just had to worry about the elements, but you forgot about the element of surprise. You hold your breath, trying to not make a sound. Soon you hear his horse trot away. Safe, for now. But you knew this was way too close of a call. You had to keep creating distance, if you can find the shore, you can find your boat. If you find your boat you are home free.
You decide to make a break for it. You jump and hop through the brush, trying to keep your bearings, but then you feel a snag.
The trap was released.
You didn’t have time to react. You were immediately flung upwards, and now you find yourself upside down. Already so tired, you don’t think you can fight this one, but you keep trying to free yourself. Even then, you freeze when you hear the footsteps.
There he was.
The man you wished to never see again. The one you swore vengeance on. The one who now stares up at you with a maddening glee. He still is splattered with the blood of Sam, and now he looks at you and sees his next victim. “Not like this” you think “not because of him”. But it is. It always was. I always has been him. He is
But honestly I think it’s a great thing we keep looking for connection in the universe around us.
I think this comment wasn’t supposed to be an argument for the existence of Israel, but rather directed at the initial premise. They are challenging the assumption that support for the Israeli state and support for the conflict in Gaza are one in the same.
Gonna say as someone who has had sex so as not to hurt the other person’s feelings and then felt like shit right after, and then became paranoid other relationships are doing the same thing- this hits hard.
Honestly it’s amazing how sleep, diet, and exercise really are effective at overall happiness. Studies show that one of the best things you can do is to get the heart rate up, but it could be anything. Yoga, bicycling, or even running. Running really fast. Never stopping, no matter what. “Not like this, dear God not like this” you think as you fling yourself further and further into the forest. There is a sudden chill in the air as a fog rolls in over the snow. Moonlight is all that illuminates the forest, and fortunately the snow helps show a path, but not very far. You look down at the ground and you can see the bloodstains that leave a trail right to you. You lift each leg as much as you can in agony as your ski boots weigh you down. You know you can’t hide, so the only thing is to try and get back to the ski patrol cabin. Someone is bound to be there and they could give you medical attention.
How you wish you had your skis. How you wish you didn’t lose them when that… Thing separated you from Sam and you caught an edge and fell. You remember that Sam had the backpack with food and water, so survival for you will be much more difficult.
You keep digging your boots into the snow as if they were ice climbing spikes. Suddenly ahead you see a soft orange glow- a cabin. Could it be ski patrol? No it seems too residential. Could it be a vacation cabin? No, it has warped boards and broken windows. How could there be anyone inside to turn on a lamp?
But between freezing to death and going to a creepy cabin, you choose the cabin. You keep pushing up and up until you get to the door. You enter the cabin to see the glow is coming from the fireplace, and sitting in front of it is Sam! “Oh thank God!” You exclaim, but Sam doesn’t turn around. Your heart pounds as you panic. “Sam?” You walk over to his body, but as soon as you touch him he falls to the side. You look and you see his hands were bound and his stomach was slashed open revealing his intestines. Well, most of them, there are chunks of his guts bitten off. You scream in horror as the harvested body of the only friend you had lays before you. Only last night Sam asked you to be his best man at his wedding. How are you going to tell the news to Sarah? She had already been through so much after having to deal with you and Sam being deployed for 18 months in Kuwait, and just as you finally get back from surviving desert storm he dies like this?
You suddenly hear a wet smacking and gnashing of teeth. It turns out there were three of you in the cabin. You spin around to see a man with blood all down his chin and wild eyes stairing back. He’s eating bits of flesh as if it was a bit of beef jerky. He takes a deep, bone rattling inhale through the nose as if to smell you. You never thought this would be how it ends. You realize now you won’t get the chance to tell what happened to Sarah. The ghost stories were real- it was him all along. You couldn’t believe it, but there he was.
I mean I can tell you when I finally sucked it up and started running, my happiness went through the roof. If you are on that path to feel better, know that I am rooting for you! Just one step at a time.
I got so much financial anxiety from that.
Are you ok. Do you need money for food.
Women are so cute and I think they are going to be able to get together and get some food for the rest of the week so I’ll get them to the store and let them know what I can do to help them out.
👍
That was very Mr. Rodgers of you.
RIP my bank account
Musicians curse.
I’m a multi-instrumentalist and I now have 3 guitars, a bass, a banjo, two ukuleles, a sousaphone, trombone, trumpet, soprano trombone, bugle, clarinet, tenor sax, Roland keyboard, melodica, cajone, stylophone, otamatone, ocarina, concertina, and a recorder. My goal is 50 instruments by the time I’m 50.
I have a problem.
I worked at a preppy catholic school in Chicago. Every year they had a Gala with an auction where people would throw around $60k like it was nothing. Afterwards all the parents of students I taught were plastered and grinding on each other on the dancefloor, and then I was invited to a sex party in the hotel they stayed at. Being 20 years younger than these folks, I was really weirded out.
Catholics go hard.
I think it is fair to judge Biden by his record more than his accute gaffs. He’s old af, so on a minute to minute basis, he’s unable to keep a coherent thought. But if you look at what he does in a more macro sense, his administration has been brilliant. It’s the entire “I’m smart in my head but I can’t fully articulate it” situation. Basically he has solid philosophy, he just can’t sell it anymore.
Frankly, if Biden didn’t have to go into the public, he would be a great president for the next 4 years (with the support he has). Harris will be sharper in public, and I think she will take the Biden positions one step further.
Ultimately to win elections, Democrats need to be better story tellers. They keep pulling up statistics and data, but they need to create a more visceral message. The GOP fear monger with stories of “an immigrant invasion”, but Dems have yet to create a blockbuster “women dying of lack of abortion access” story. I mean those stories are out there, they just need better messengers.
I’ve had good and bad interactions with them, so I just think “hey they are flawed (hopefully) human beings that have good days and bad days”. Chances are if I treat them (or anyone) kindly, the interaction will be positive.
My goal online is to try and be a wholesome user, although that doesn’t always happen. I usually delete my comments when I don’t like how I acted with someone else as I want to remind myself to take a kinder approach to Lemmy. There’s enough toxicity online.
I think “would Mr. Rodgers approve?”
Actually the little button sends an SOS to local authorities, so chances are the little button works fine and you have an incoming SWAT raid with paramedics and police surrounding the building.
English is actually an amazing language for improvising words. The Frankensteinification of our language is awesome for wordsmithing. The jabberwocky is a poem that fit best in the English language.
Also I had to fit “maybe we will” into two syllables for a song, and it works. “Maybe’l” gets the point across well.
This but the exact opposite. I also have resting smile face. I’m so pissed off.