I want to understand, intrinsically, and be able to manipulate to my liking, all the financial systems of the world.

At worst, I’d quickly become a well-paid accountant. At best, I’d become an extremely talented, untraceable, modern Robin Hood.

It’s so crazy how it looks like they want to double-team you but they are legitimately just good friends and it isn’t a weird homophobic thing.

I was thinking of that guy who raped her multiple times and had HIV. I really need that guy to have more than “some time to think about what you’ve done” because he’d probably jerk off to it. :(

Normally I’m 100% for this, it’s just that this particular case seems so evil and egregious…

I’m still referring to my need to steal everything that is not both nailed down and on fire.

…nailed down or on fire is fine.

I’m allergic to corn, so I don’t know if this is true, but if I pooped a food that was still whole I’d consider not eating it again.

I really want to do the Mediterranean diet but my foot is currently in a cast and I get my groceries done once a week and veggies around here straight up do not last… so I’m struggling.

I would unironically enjoy reading this. And satirical buying merchandise and putting a Je-Who fish on my car.

Having two people’s heads that close while trying to lick the same thing is entirely about fantasy and not at all about comfort.

Make an assessment.