Thanks. That’s given me a lot to think about.

I remember you too!

The worry I have about finding an escort online is the possibility of being scammed, robbed or encountering a trafficked sex worker. I also don’t know what a good or bad price is for one. Prices I’ve seen have gone from around £100/hour for incalls to some being several times more expensive than that. It’s why I’ve honestly thought about going to the Netherlands or Germany, where there are actually legal and regulated brothels.

and another straight up snogged me. Never in my life did I think I would ever be snogged like that.

Reminds me of a Hinge date I went on a few years back that went incredibly well. We had cocktails, then I awkwardly pulled a chat up line which led to us snogging for about an hour straight. I couldn’t crash at her place that night because she was staying with her sister and had to head to work immediately the next morning, but she invited me to come to her place in the next town over.

Then about three days later, she pulled the whole ‘sorry, this isn’t gonna work out, I didn’t mean to lead you on’ crap.

Other than that, closest I honestly came to losing my virginity was with a (MtF) trans lady who I met on Okcupid, who I sexted a lot with. She flaked on me shortly after we met and went full ghost afterwards.

I already go out drinking quite often, usually with friends but sometimes I have gone to my local pub on my own. Dunno if I want to make more of an effort with that, because I worry it could impact my health unless I go cold turkey and only drink non-alcoholic stuff.

Talking to others is a challenge and is something I really have to be in the best place to do. Alcohol doesn’t really lower my inhibitions as much as it did and I find myself withdrawing more if anything.

I think online dating apps are meant to be soul destroying by design. Finding success is bad for business because it means you’ll delete the app and won’t get suckered in to paying the same cost of several MMO subscriptions for premium.

What hookup apps exist for straight people? Only one I’m aware of is Adult Friend Finder and I’ve heard that one is pretty expensive and seems shady as fuck.

I have considered looking at sex/swinger parties but wouldn’t know how to go looking for them. I also thought swinger communities would only be for existing couples looking to open up their relationship, not single people.

1. Knowing everything about me, even I’m unsure. I earn a decent wage and am on a good career path, but not enough to even rent (more of an issue with the British economy), that impacts my independence more than anything. That would be the main deterrent but it’s a more complicated thing to solve. I am looking into house sharing and renting a room with strangers as I want to move away from home.

2. I’d say I’m a solid 4, possibly a 5. I have lowered my standards a lot over the years and don’t particularly have a ‘type.’ I’d only date women around the 25 - 32 range, purely because dating younger would feel creepy and I don’t want to leave it too late to have children. Weight and height aren’t that important for me, and I think I have a preference for curvier bodies. My comment more-so came from the experience of other female friends and ex-partners. Only one I know of has had no luck, others have been inundated with messages and can basically swipe right on anyone. Also a good few get frequently sexually harassed even on non-dating social media.

3. Not much. Did try to study pick-up a decade ago (read The Game by Neil Strauss and a few other PUA books) and briefly looked to the Red Pill only to ditch it a few weeks later because I was getting disgusted by the community’s asshole behaviour and increasingly rampant misogyny. Also meeting someone who genuinely fears community figures like RooshV and what he stands for opened my eyes further. Incel rhetoric disgusts me even more.

Something I sorely lack is game.

I partially addressed this in another comment. A lot of the problem I think is that I don’t know how to talk to women beyond just friendly conversation, and I think it may be trauma from past bullying.

Maybe I do want more, and maybe I’ve given up on trying to find love because I’m just weary of it.

Fully agree that I should speak to a professional, I am part of my workplace’s private medical insurance scheme so I could see what they can offer, since getting any help from the NHS is a no-go unless you’re at immediate risk of serious harm/death. (Thankfully I am not at that point.)

I’ve tried seeking help several times. Doctors haven’t been particularly helpful (some have just fobbed me off) and the most I got were a few art therapy sessions with a charity a few years back.

Last year after my last breakup I self-referred to the NHS with depression and the most I got was an online cognitive behavioral therapy course that I really could have studied from a book. There was a years-long waiting list before COVID and now things are somehow even worse.

Even trying to go private has been a no-go because every therapist in my city is overbooked.

Fortunately I have private health insurance from my workplace, so I may be able to get therapy through that.

there is a lot of (deserved) hurt and anger that needs to be addressed.

In what respect? It seems worded in a way that implies I deserve what I get, and that is something I really don’t understand.

For gay hookups, 100%. The thing is, I’m (mostly) heterosexual and want my first time to be with a woman.

I’ve also heard from gay friends that Grindr isn’t that good either.

I considered dance classes before, but they’ve often been at times really inconvenient for me.

Pets aren’t really an option right now. Unfortunately I still live with parents (much of my country is too damn expensive for a single guy to even rent an apartment in, let alone buy a home.) My parents are vehemently against getting animals.

Btw one dirty advice from the books: if you’re trying for a woman that’s not single, you’re competing against one guy. If she is single, you’re competing against everyone. It may not be nice, but everything is fair in war and love, right

Jacking another man’s girl goes against my moral code.

I’d argue the inverse that you may be competing with just one guy, but convincing a lady to leave her existing relationship or even cheat is harder.

Also, would you really want to date somebody who is unwilling to stay loyal to their partner?

Scissoring: +155%

Oh scissor me timbers!