ChexMax

Zoey Deschanel was different to herself (or her manic pixie dream girl character at least) in Elf.

Against type in the big year imo

No, he was a different guy in “the big year” and also different in that movie where he’s a funeral home director or something? He was southern? Based on a true story I think?

Ooh and the question specifically mentions “someone else.” By the time I scrolled down enough, I forgot about that.

Anyway I have both considered offing myself, and on a night where a dude scared me on a dark street I wished I had a gun. I guess that’s not the same as wanting to shoot him. I just wanted to have something that would make him as scared of me as I was of him. I just wanted to be left alone.

Ooh that’s a good point! I hadn’t looked at it like that!

Of course the meltdown I’m thinking of is that his own toddler was trying to eat old food off the floor and I was preventing that and offering fresh food while babysitting for free for him.

He doesn’t have meltdowns so often now, but the only thing that changed is that he feels safe and comfortable around us. Ironically, his bad behavior is what made us uncomfortable around him which is what made him feel unsafe. So as it got better, it just got better and better.

Unfortunately for him, he was raised in an emotionally abusive home, so his regular bad behavior was learned and then when we reacted poorly to that it would lead to an actual meltdown. Consistent kind behavior and firm boundaries is what eventually led to a two way street respectful situation. A meltdown now would be much more accepted and understood but we had to go to group therapy to get here.

Embarrassingly, I think I’m someone who struggles with both ideas. How many meltdowns am I expected to accommodate before someone is not invited back to a social event? A work event? Because if a neurotypical yelled obscenities at me, it would be one and done, but I’m expected to forgive and forget when the person is autistic. How many times do you accommodate someone’s tardiness? I have ADHD, and I work really hard to be on time, but I’m late plenty. Sometimes for work. Often for social events. It’s not because i don’t care about other people’s time. I try really hard, I just fail a lot. Like who decides what’s reasonable?

Why wouldn’t it?

In the early 2000s in the US these numbers were taken, but there was like 10 feet between the front of the line and the scale so hypothetically private. Didn’t stop your friends from asking what your numbers were the second you stepped off, so kind of a weird self imposed humiliation.

Then why does he do that smug smile when he’s being annoying?

Costco really only makes sense with a family or group. Buying in bulk isn’t necessarily better for a single person, especially given that any impulse buys are more expensive at Costco

I mean no offense, but some Dr’s are wild. It’s not just babies who are faking pain, but also women and POC. My husband was given the same pain meds/schedule for a cut on his thumb that I was for childbirth with a second degree tear. He was given even better pain meds the time we went in for a “mystery pain” in his chest that they could find no evidence of.

I think of trashy as the opposite end of the spectrum from classy.

Respecting others privacy and being gracious when someone is embarrassed? Classy. Arguing in front of others or loudly reprimanding someone in public? Trashy.

Dressed appropriately for the venue and audience? Classy. Booty shorts and flip flops in an office space? Trashy.

Being on time and considerate in your manner of arrival? Classy Being late and disruptive? Trashy.

You don’t have to be rich to be classy, just considerate. In the same way, people of means can be trashy if they’re inconsiderate of others.

I think to me, the ultimate trashy move is to pee in public.

Why do the resources for wives not work for you? Can’t you just take the advice and switch the genders? My spouse and I are similar. A lot of the traditional gender roles are switched, so i just take the advice for the other gender and use it for our situation.

This is a big one people don’t acknowledge. I think a big part of it is that we have also moved away from church (not a bad thing!)

When people talk about religious people having more kids, it’s not just quiverfull explanations! It’s that church people accept being around kids at social events. We (non church people) lost all of our childless friends within about two years of having a kid. The lifestyles were just incompatible and they weren’t ready to transition to daytime barbecues at the park. My church going sister? Kids are welcome at almost all of her social events, and she even attends women’s groups that have free childcare.

Obviously you can build that kind of community outside of church, but it’s not easy without the existing culture and infrastructure.

The 25 year olds I know aren’t choosing between kids and travel, they’re choosing between kids and groceries… rent is too high to make it on one income, even for a lot of my college educated peers.

It’s only convenient if you have access to a fax machine, which the majority of us don’t

Nuts? Beef jerky? Those almonds covered with flavored salt (salt n vinegar, Sriracha, pickle, etc), licorice. Bitter dark chocolate?

Really? I’d rather my mom get scammed than murdered, but that’s just me

Below a certain threshold, it is a big deciding factor. Doesn’t matter your outlook if you can’t afford to go to the doctor, or eat healthy foods.

Everyone returns to their baseline happiness 3 months after something big happens, but when you’re poor, hard things happen more often than every three months.

This is a double edged sword. You shouldn’t put a ton of effort into your dating self if you’re not prepared to keep that up for the rest of your life, otherwise you’re just screwing your spouse. I’m so so glad I put very little effort into masking/ lying about who I am when I dated my spouse. I was just honest. I hate cooking. I’m hard to get ahold of/ don’t answer messages quickly. I don’t want to own a dog. Now that we’re 7 years in, I don’t have to let him down by saying a dog is too much housekeeping for me. I told him that on date 2. He on the other hand definitely presented his best foot, which was disappointing 5 years in when he could no longer keep it up. He’s messy, he apparently really wants a dog, and he also hates cooking, none of which i knew until long after we married.