Hi! I’m currently in a straight relationship and have always considered myself extra straight (guys are just not attractive).

However, a very long time ago, I was possibly sexually assaulted by a man (drugged, hung out in his room). I say possibly because I wanted him in that moment, and we tried to fuck each other but had issues getting it up (too many drugs I guess).

I’ve been fantasizing about it on and off ever since. The only person I’ve ever told was my therapist recently. He suggested I be open and avoid shaming myself (so maybe that’s part of this post). Something about being inside someone’s ass while they cum all over themselves, or someone inside me while I cum, is just very arousing.

I know I need to come out to my partner. First, though, I’d like to have a plan to deal with this fantasy. Are there healthy ways to explore this possible facet of my sexuality without, ya know, cheating?