Just your average urban druid interested in technology and quantum field theory.

  • 0 Posts
  • 77 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
Cake day: June 13th, 2023
  • Drunemeton@lemmy.worldtoAsk Lemmy@lemmy.world•What's the strangest thing you've brought home from the bar?English
    2210·
    1 month ago

    Be me: out drinking with friends for several hours.

    Be them: acting completely normal.

    Be me: drinking makes you pee, so me go pee, many times.

    Be us: we’re drunk! Having a great time.

    Be them: still acting completely normal.

    Be me: say good night and put on my leather jacket.

    Be me brain: Damn I’m drunk cuz this thing feels like it weights a ton ! Stumble home.

    Be me front door: watching the confused, bemused, astonished drunk reach for his keys and pull lemon after lime after orange out of his pockets, but no keys.

    Be me front door glass: Watching him stuff them into his jeans pockets like a never ending clown car of NINE pieces of citrus.

    Be me keyhole: Watching drunk-e-poo finally find his keys, and let himself in.

    Be me: laughing and drunk and wondering what the hell’s going on…

    Be them: laughing their asses off, wondering when I’d finally notice that every time I got up to pee they took whole bar garnish and put it in my pockets.

  • Drunemeton@lemmy.worldtoAsk Lemmy@lemmy.world•What's your personal little conspiracy theory?English
    201·
    1 month ago

    Cats are aliens from another planet. A much warmer planet with less gravity!

    • Nothing else explains why a cat will lay in the sun on a very hot day like it’s nothing at all.
    • They also radiate the heat of a small pizza oven.
    • They act like we’re their servants in very un-animal-like ways.
    • They push things off of places all the time, like they’re expecting them to float not fall.
    • They’ll be completely normal, then take off running like their tail’s on fire, just to relish in the high gravity that allows them to jump and land a very short distance away.
  • Drunemeton@lemmy.worldtoAsk Lemmy@lemmy.world•What happened on your worst birthday?English
    341·
    1 month ago

    I met a guy online, and we arranged to meet up for our 1st date. It went well, and during it we exchanged birthdates. Mine was the next week, so he said he’s take me out for my birthday!

    The day arrives, we meet up at the same place, and after my inquiry he says we’re to a New Mexican restaurant for dinner, then to a Country & Western bar a few blocks away for some dancing. Well All RIGHT! (I did tell him I didn’t know how/hadn’t been before, but was willing to give it a go.)

    At the end of dinner he asks the waiter for separate checks. I look puzzled, and he asks why. “Well, it’s a little unusual to be taken out for your birthday and have to split the check…”

    “Oh, I forgot it’s your birthday. I don’t have enough money to cover this.” So I end up paying for my meal.

    Tip: If this happens to you end that date immediately! I don’t, so we continue the date and go dancing.

    Turns out he doesn’t like line dancing, and doesn’t lead, so he won’t line dance with me trying to learn to line dance. We have one regular dance together, which he ends mid-song, because I’m not leading right.

    For the rest of the ‘date’ I get to sit there, buying my own drinks, watching him dance with others, and having drinks bought for him by those others.

    I went home alone after a few miserable hours…